Feelings

I have completely lost everything
Lost everyone
I can’t even tell which is my tears of joy and my pain
And I feel each day like I want something done badly
Like trying to figure out something I don’t even know

I just don’t know what I want
If to be what they want
Or just be the always broken indecisive me…

I know I look really beautiful in makeup and that’s too fake.
I know,
But have you ever seen my eyes without makeup or lenses?
Do you know how many mascaras I buy in a week after coming from washrooms?
Do you have any idea how I struggle to be in my senses?

I smile too much cos it feels like a mask
And when I’m all alone in my room at night, and that heavy mask is off,
my water breaks…
Tears flow on default

If my pain were a school
I swear I’d be a school president and awarded the most punctual
Cos my emotions are always active

I’m not too proud
I just don’t know what I do
I hate to admit that I don’t know who I am

I’m either facing the remix from home
Or cracking up on my life
My head is weighing
My heart is breaking
Pleasant memories fading

And the color of my eyes keeps changing